game 3 - what to expect

horsemen lead this series 2-0, but there are new variables to consider in game 3:

1. the heroes are hungry and they did something right in the first half of game 2. if they can build off that and play that way all game, we could be looking at a 2-1 series.

2. new stadium. the team that adapts best to the new arena could very well squeak out a victory.

3. one month of deteriorated skills. the non-activity has hurt all of us, but which team has been hit harder? will thai lightning be as nimble as he was a month ago? will patrick be the same ubiquitous defender we all remember? can phil still push the fast break? tbd

4. a cocky, overconfident horsemen team. after leading the series 1-0, the horsemen thought they were the '86 Celtics and almost let game 2 get away even before it started. who knows how they will show up in game 3.

one thing remains clear - the heroes have to shake things up....a new defense, a new style of play, a reinvention. they need patrick to turn into a white, redheaded shaquille o'neal on offense, hot shot to start hitting his fade away 3s, weidman to own the low post, kevin to wear his garnett jersey again and nick to continue his double double streak.

it pains me to admit this, but i see the Heroes taking this one. here's my prediction:

Heroes 60
Horsemen 54

stats

sample stats sheet. very scientific.

next games are march 16 and march 23.

I.S. 230
73-10 34th ave (corner of 34th ave and 73rd street)
Jackson Heights

7:30 - 9:30pm

Monday March 16, 23rd CONFIRMED

you are sad. you are hungry. you are angry. you are confused. you are violent. i know you feel this way because i feel this way. these are the emotions of a MAMBA player who has not played basketball in over a month. the venom of the black mamba snake courses through our veins now. we are infected.

but there is a cure. patrick has just informed me that we are confirmed for Monday March 16 and 23rd at this school:

I.S. 230
73-10 34th ave (corner of 34th ave and 73rd street)
Jackson Heights

7:30 - 9:30pm

Patrick checked out the gym last thursday and these are the exact words in his text message - THIS GYM IS FUCKING AMAZING

his description: new school, gym on the 4th floor, regulation length, glass backboards, no fear of the basketball hitting the ceiling on a shot. this is a college-quality court.

PS 111 was summer league practice squad. PS 111 was the place where we made up for 10 years of binge drinking, cartons and cartons of cigarettes, and little to no physical activity. this is the pros, or at least semi-pros, or at least Division III. bring your MAMBA on March 16.

neal

p.s. i wrote to nate silver a few days ago. he used a bunch of data and polling to predict the outcome of the presidential election, then posted it on his web site, fivethirtyeight.com. i sent him the career stats for each of us and asked him to predict next game's MVP. still haven't heard back.

Single Game Leaders

Points

28 – Tie, Nick (game 1) and Phil (game 2)

Best Field Goal %

58% - Nick (game 1)

Rebounds

29 – Neal (game 3)

Steals

8 – Tie, Phil (game 2) and Neal (game 2)

Blocks

5 – Tie, Patrick (game 6) and Neal (game 6)

Assists

7 – Phil (game 3)

hot shot koster as richard simmons

how many times in the heat of play have you said to yourself - "i wonder what hot shot koster's face would look like on richard simmons body?"

behold this image of hot shot, nestled snug in the face of richard simmons, squirming seductively on an erotic bed of lettuce, beets and baby carrots. this visual gift comes courtesy of photoshop and its limitless possibilities.

some might argue - that's messed up, neal. no one should ever have to see this.

to those i say, "you're right...it is messed up. but take this as a warning. this is what happens when the shot that was once hot is no longer hot. once the shot is hot no more, your face gets implanted on richard simmons for all the world to see."

in other news, patrick is visiting the jackson heights site tomorrow and close to finalizing march and april dates.

check back in a few for a stat i've forgotten to post: single game leaders.

neal

sneaker conflict

i spent 5 hours yesterday shopping for the perfect pair of basketball shoes. considering the fact that i buy new shoes every 8 years, there was a lot riding on the purchase. after visiting every shoe store on Steinway St. I finally had it narrowed down to this pair:

it seemed to match all the criteria - affordable, plain, no strange plastic shell, laces, decent ankle support.

i thought the white n' red pair were pretty cool but i have a real problem buying white shoes. they're just so damn white when they're new. the blinding whiteness hurts my eyes and i feel foolish walking around in a world where this degree of whiteness does not exist. in years past i would roll them around in dirt, but i just dont have the time for that now.

so the natural solution would have been to buy the pair in black, always the better option of the two. here's where i encountered the conflict -- the white/red pair were $60. the black pair were $80. a $20 price hike for color????? i spent hours holding the two shoes in my hands, feeling completely lost and conflicted, realizing that i would have to live with my decision for 8 years. in the end i settled on the white/red pair. sometime in the 5th hour i reached an epiphany -- i simply do not care as much about my personal appearance as i used to. i could live with these hideously white shoes and deal with the mocking looks and whispered insults from strangers.

now that i have learned to love and accept my decision, i feel exceptionally excited about the next MAMBA game, which could be tomorrow in Jackson Heights.

on a completely different note, i have to say how awesome it is that our president is a basketball lover. politics aside, i feel great knowing our nation's leader appreciates the game. i may send a letter to the white house informing him about MAMBA.

neal

black mamba snake

.

dan w. was nice enough to send me some valuable information about one of Africa's most dangerous reptiles, the

BLACK MAMBA SNAKE

basically this thing is a creature that we should all strive to be on the court....it moves 12 mph. it delivers quick venomous bites to its prey, waits for the venom to paralyze the prey, then devours the prey. a single bite from a black mamba snake can kill 15-25 men. these are all valuable facts that easily translate to basketball play.

i think we should discontinue the title MVP and institute the Black Mamba Snake of the game, or BMS. MVP is so overused and so vague. how was this player most valuable? offensively? defensively? both? neither? too many unanswered questions. tell someone you've just won the BMS award and they will immediately know who and what you are. you are a fucking killer.

here's a picture of the BMS for inspiration. i have added dan w.'s floating head next to the snake for no reason whatsoever. i just thought it looked cool.

looks like we may have a gym in jackson heights for monday. stay tuned.

neal